


A Positive Response

by CharlotteML



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Fluff and Humor, M/M, text message fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-11 03:48:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10454301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharlotteML/pseuds/CharlotteML
Summary: Bodyguard Mondo wakes up to discover that he's accidentally sent a dick pic to his boss- Prime Minister Ishimaru.I couldn't think of a good way to summarise this... It's a joke fic based on a text post that's going around. Second chapter is a more risque ending.





	1. Normal version

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of this text post: http://shapeshiftinterest.tumblr.com/post/158344240077  
> Also I made a picture version on my tumblr blog (but it's not got the second ending): http://charlotteml1.tumblr.com/post/158809900414/based-off-of-this-text-post-that-was-going-around  
> (Also I'm aware this is probably OOC for Isshiki, but I needed someone who's name is close to Ishimaru, and as he's a bodyguard...)

_6:36 AM:_

Isshiki: I need you to delete that picture

Isshiki: And tell Soshun that it was only drunken posturing

Mondo: Fuck yeah I cant believe we did that shit

Mondo: Delete mine as well, plz

Isshiki: You didn’t send me one

Mondo: The fuck?

Mondo: Huh, you’re right.

Mondo: Could have sworn I sent it to someone

Isshiki: Drunken dream, perhaps?

Isshiki: Or you sent it to someone else?

Mondo: FUCK

Mondo: OH MY FUCKING GOD

Mondo: IM FUCKING SCREWED

Isshiki: ?

Mondo: I sent it to the boss’ phone!

Mondo: Goddamit of all the people to have a dick measuring contest with I pick the guys who’s name is right under the Prime Minister’s!

Isshiki: That’s not so bad, his secretary Naegi, is quite understanding.

Mondo: No… not his work phone his personal phone!

Isshiki: Why do you have that? I’m senior to you!

Mondo: I dunno, he just gave it to me one day!

Mondo: Keeps sending me promo pics of himself and asking my opinion on ‘em.

Isshiki: Doesn’t he have a marketing department for that?

Mondo: I don’t fucking know! Why don’t you ask him once he fires me for sending him a fucking DICK PIC!?

Mondo: FUCK!

 

_6:48 AM_

Ishimaru: Greetings Sayaka! I hope your concert is going well!

Ishimaru: I must apologise for only contacting you because I need something, but I could do with some more advice!

Sayaka: I’ve told you it’s no problem!

Sayaka: What’s up?

Ishimaru: Well, your previous advice worked!

Sayaka: You mean about your hot bodyguard?

Ishimaru: Yes! I had an incredibly positive response to the latest picture!

Sayaka: So, what’s the problem?

Ishimaru: I’m not sure what to do next.

Ishimaru: I can’t show you his response, but I suspect he’s looking for a more casual and maybe even SEXUAL relationship!

Sayaka: And I guess you were hoping for something more long term?

Ishimaru: Well…

Ishimaru: No. Not really.

Ishimaru: Honestly I’d be happy with a one-night stand, just so long as something happens!

Sayaka: So what’s the problem?

Ishimaru: How do I GET something to happen!?

Sayaka: Oh, I see! You’ve never had a date…

Sayaka: You should talk to him in person about it, maybe with some nice drinks!

Sayaka: Ask him about his response and what he’d like to do next as well.

Ishimaru: I see

Ishimaru: Anything else?

Sayaka: That should be enough to start with? You just need to talk to him!

Ishimaru: Really? Thank you for the advice! I’ll schedule a meeting with him!

Sayaka: Alright! Good luck! And enjoy yourself!

 

_7:04 AM_

Mondo: Please tell me there’s a way to delete a text you’ve sent

Mondo: Specifically, a picture text

Mondo: Seriously I will sell you my motherfucking soul if there’s a way to do that

Chi: Who’s phone has a pic of your dick on it then?

Mondo: The Prime Minister’s

Chi: I thought you said you weren’t going to let your weird celebrity crush affect your work?

Mondo: I fucking didn’t!

Mondo: I was having a dick measuring contest with one of the other bodyguards and hit the wrong contact in my phone!

Chi: Why…?

Mondo: CAUSE WE WERE BOTH FUCKING DRUNK!

Mondo: CAN I DELETE THE THING OR NOT!?

Chi: You could only delete it if gives you his phone and you do it manually

Chi: Maybe lie and say you to check it for security threats?

Chi: Assuming he’s not looked at it already.

Chi: Hello?

Mondo: FUCK

Chi: ?

Mondo: It’s too late. He’s booked a meeting with me today

Mondo: Even though its my day off

Chi: Well try not to panic

Chi: How bad is it?

Mondo: Lemme put it like this…

Mondo: He sent me a pic of himself working out in the gym and asked what I thought

Mondo: And I sent back a pic of what looks like me tugging on my fucking dick!

Chi: Yeah

Chi That’s pretty bad

Chi: But he seems nice! He might understand if you tell him it was an accident!

Mondo: You really think so?

Chi: Maybe?

Chi: I’ll start polishing your CV though, just in case…

Mondo: Fuck!

 

_12:05 PM_

Hina: Hey! I heard the good news!

Ishimaru: I’ve ruined everything!

Ishimaru: My career, my life, my NAME! Everything!

Hina: That doesn’t sound like good news…

Hina: At least you have the cute bodyguard?

Ishimaru: No! I don’t!

Ishimaru: That’s the problem!

Ishimaru: I never had him in the first place!

Ishimaru: And now I’ve made unwelcome advances on a male member of my workforce!

Ishimaru: I’M RUINED!

Hina: But Sayaka said he gave you a good reply!?

Ishimaru: It turned out that was sent to me in error.

Hina: Oops!

Hina: But… can it really be that bad?

Hina: I mean, what exactly did you do before he said it was an accident?

Ishimaru: I was pouring out two glasses of wine when he said it.

Hina: That’s not so bad!

Hina: You could say the wine was for your next meeting and you were just getting it ready?

Ishimaru: That would have been a good idea

Ishimaru: I think I made it clear the wine was for him when he admitted his mistake though.

Hina: :(

Hina: How come you didn’t realise the message wasn’t for you anyway?

Hina: It wasn’t addressed to anyone?

Ishimaru: It was just a picture

Hina: Just one picture? What of?

Ishimaru: It

Ishimaru: It was a picture of his anatomy

Ishimaru: In an aroused position

Hina: You mean he sent you a single dick pic and you thought that he was hitting on you?

Hina: And you called him ino your office and poured him wine just from that!?

Ishimaru: Yes

Ishimaru: And then when I realised my mistake I ran into the bathroom to hide

Hina: And what did he do?

Ishimaru: I don’t know

Ishimaru: I’ve not left the bathroom let.

Hina: Why not? You can’t stay in there forever!

Ishimaru: I think he’s still outside

Ishimaru: And I think it might just be easier if I stay in here and die of shame

Hina: Oh come on! It can’t be that bad! If he’s still out there he must be willing to talk?

Hina: You can’t stay in the bathroom forever!

Ishimaru: I suppose not.

Ishimaru: I’ll go out and apologise to him… and see if I can get him to keep this secret…

Hina: Good luck!

 

_12:22 PM_

Leon: Hey! You’re on the news!

Mondo: WHAT!?

Mondo: You mean there was a camera filming that shit show!?

Leon: No.

Leon: Someone leaked your weird crush’s calendar and he’s put in a meeting called ‘Sext response’ with you and him as the attendees

Leon: You sexted your boss? I know you like him and all, but you got BALLS man!

Mondo: It was an accident!

Mondo: Me an Isshiki got wasted and decided to compare dick sizes and I hit the wrong contact.

Leon: OMG

Leon: You are such fucking dumbass…

Leon: So you’re being fired then?

Mondo: I dunno?

Mondo: I thought I was

Mondo: But then I got in the office and he’s all “Do you know why you’re here”

Mondo: So I’m looking at my lap mumbling “’Cause I accidently sent ya a dick pic” like a guilty little kid

Mondo: And then he screams “ACCIDENTALLY!?” and I look up and he’s in the middle of pouring two glasses of wine.

Leon: ?????

Leon: You mean your weird crush is gay to!?

Leon: Niiiiiiice!

Mondo: He’s not a weird crush!

Mondo: And it ain’t nice! He ran off into the fucking toilet and left me sat here!

Mondo: Now what the fuck do I do!?

Leon: He’s been heat magazine’s weird crush of the year for last 3 years

Leon: And ain’t it obvious?

Leon: Go tell him ya like him back

Mondo: I can’t! He’s locked the fucking door!

Mondo: Besides, you know me! I’ll probably end up screaming at him if I try ta talk to him.

Leon: Alright SHOW him you like him back!

Mondo: The fuck does that mean?

Leon: Get your clothes off and lie on his desk before he gets back

Mondo: Are you fucking with me!? What if he ain’t into that shit!?

Leon: You sent him a pic of your dick and he called you into his office and poured you wine!

Leon: Either he’s into that shit or he’s desperate!

Leon: My bets on desperate, given he’s going for YOU

Mondo: Oh fuck you!

Leon: Nah, don’t wanna piss off the Prime Minister

Mondo: Oh hahaha!

Mondo: I swear Imma fucking kill you if this doesn’t work!

Leon: Good luck buddy!

 

_12:35 PM_

Makoto: Umm, Taka?

Makoto: I thought you said you were happy to stay closeted until the end of your term?

Ishimaru: That was my intention.

Makoto: Then why did I find your bodyguard lying on your desk in his underwear?

Ishimaru: WHAT!?

Ishimaru: I don’t know!

Makoto: Also, he’s screaming that you started it by offering him wine?

Ishimaru: That’s a complete fallacy!

Ishimaru: HE started it by accidentally sending me explicit imagery of himself!

Makoto: He says he only did that because you kept sending him texts asking HIM what he thought of your press photos, instead of going through PR.

Makoto: Let me guess, Sayaka’s idea? Send him pictures of you and see if he says anything nice enough about them for you to risk asking him out?

Makoto: Come on, you might as well admit it.

Ishimaru: Alright, you’re correct.

Makoto: So, you kinda did start it…

IshimaruL Yes.

Ishimaru: My apologies.

Makoto: So, I ask again:

Makoto: I thought you said you were happy to stay closeted until the end of your term?

Ishimaru: Well I WAS until you allocated the hottest man in existence as one of my bodyguards!

Ishimaru: Who is with me almost ALL THE TIME!

Ishimaru: It’s been driving me crazy!

Makoto: Well, why didn’t you say so?

Ishimaru: The polls! I don’t want to cause our party to lose favour with the voters!

Makoto: Aww, geez! That’s no reason to torture yourself :(

Makoto: It won’t be THAT bad if you come out now!

Makoto: And you’ve got another couple of years for people to get used to the idea of a gay PM before the next elections!

Makoto: If you want a boyfriend, it’s fine.

Makoto: Just, next time, don’t put appointment titles like ‘sext response’ in your calendar.

Makoto: Especially not when the attendees are you and your buff bodyguard.

Ishimaru: Noted.

Ishimaru: Do you need me to make any sort of statement?

Makoto: I will do, but give me time to draft it.

Makoto: In the meantime, can you come talk to this guy so he doesn’t punch me in the face, please?

Ishimaru: I’m sure he wouldn’t do that!

Ishimaru: But I suppose I do need to talk to him.

Makoto: Thanks

Makoto: And good luck!


	2. Sillier ending

_12:35 PM_

Makoto: Umm, Taka?

Makoto: I thought you said you were happy to stay closeted until the end of your term?

Ishimaru: That was my intention.

Makoto: Then why is your bodyguard lying on your desk in his underwear?

Makoto: Taka? Are you still there?

Ishimaru: He IS!?

Ishimaru: Are you sure it’s him?

Ishimaru: Perhaps you could send me photographic evidence?

Makoto: Pretty sure taking a picture of him shirtless is an invasion of his privacy!

Ishimaru: Well, I’ve already got a picture of his penis, so I doubt it will matter!

Makoto: What

Makoto: Why?

Makoto: Please, tell me you didn’t order him to send you that.

Ishimaru: Of course not!

Ishimaru: He did it by accident!

Makoto: An accident?

Makoto: So why is he now posing like he wants to be drawn like one of your French girls?

Ishimaru: What French girls?

Ishimaru: And I can’t draw?

Makoto: Nevermind, just… what happened in your office?

Ishimaru: I mistook the picture he sent as a solicitation, and asked him to come in so I could offer him some wine and discuss what the nature of our relationship would be!

Makoto: So where are YOU?

Ishimaru: Well… I was pouring out the wine when he admitted he sent the picture by accident, and then I panicked and hid in the bathroom.

Makoto: And in the meantime he took his clothes off and laid down on your desk?

Ishimaru: Apparently?

Ishimaru: Do you think maybe he’s unwell?

Makoto: I think maybe he’s waiting for you to get back.

Ishimaru: ?

Ishimaru: What do you mean?

Makoto: I think maybe he’s planning to seduce you?

Ishimaru: WHAT!?

Ishimaru: Why would he want to do that!?

Ishimaru: What do I do!?

Ishimaru: I’ve never been seduced how does it work?

Makoto: Umm

Makoto: Just go and talk to him?

Makoto: And be honest about what you do and DON’T want to do!

Makoto: Plus remember the general sex-ed stuff… I’m guessing you’d do that anyway though…

Ishimaru: Is that all?

Ishimaru: Alright then! Off I go!

Ishimaru: To be seduced! :D

Makato: Ok, just don’t break the table or anything…

 

_1:12 PM_

Mondo: Umm…

Mondo: You’re the maintenance guy, right?

Souda: Yes?

Mondo: The PM needs a new table in his office.

Souda: Alright I’ll be there in a few minutes.

Mondo: Thanks.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! There's a wackier but less in character version of the ending in chapter 2.


End file.
